The Football Fan’s Diet

By Matt DeReno
On The FFD

PITTSBURGH – It was the best of times it was the worst of times. Okay, I should say we got our Dickens knocked in the dirt on Saturday. However, Friday was a different tale. In fact, on Friday Madame Defarge would be holding our Dickens up as a paragon – perhaps the greatest erection to be seen save the Eifel tower! Rim shot please. That my fine friends, should placate some of you English grads out there who actually have a sense of humor—and like football. Is that even possible?

Friday was very interesting. Wait! What the hell did I do Friday? Oh, I know. Instead of my usual happy hour attendance at a local dive, I decided to take the high road, well, the elliptical stepper high road. Yes, I went to the gym on a Friday evening then came home and read stories to my daughter. I did have a glass—make that two glasses of wine—that evening, but all in all it was a very healthy Friday night.

The problem was Saturday. I was frustrated and irritable as all hell because I think I am noticing something, which I should probably adjust: I am too damn healthy for days on end, to the point I am irritable like a Pope on free porn night (I really have no idea what I mean by that). Frankly, I just need some plain old good grub to get me by on these days. I may also be frustrated that since I am living the healthy life, I should wake up and all this blubbers and guts should be gone? Alas, it will take hard work to get to where we want to be, which is celebrating a Super Bowl Victory, both on The FFD and, with much hope, The Steelers Super Bowl victory of the Cardinals. A Tale of Two Super Bowls? However, before we start polishing each other’s Lombardi trophies, let’s talk a little bit about how I screwed up on Saturday.

My wife took our daughter to a friend’s Build-A-Bear party at Ross Park Mall, which is now home to all sorts of exclusives shops and services in this area. Anyhow, I was really on my nerves the whole day. Even though I woke up at my low point weight wise for the Season, I was like a grumpy grizzly bear. I was sick of my super low-carb outlook. I felt like I needed a burger.

So I was finally placated when we made a family pit stop on the way back from picking up the tribe at the Build-A-Bear party. Where did we go? Nothing says greasy grille food quite like Denny’s. So, we made a pit stop and there I ordered a Western Burger with fries. Now, my Western Burger was not complete. Even though it had onion rings on it, I ordered a onions rings as an appetizer too. Not only this, I sampled the dishes my wife and daughter were enjoying. Man, failing on The FFD never felt so good!

Not too get to far from the topic, but if there is a Western Burger at Denny’s, how come there is no other types of geospatial-oriented Burgers. Couldn’t they create a Middle Eastern Burger and serve burger with a napkin covering the top bun and all?

It seems to me that the Denny’s marketers fell asleep on that one. We could literally have all sorts of Burgers. Heck, if they serve you a cold one they could call it the Arctic Burger. They could say “We’re sorry, we thought you ordered the Arctic Burger.”

Another thing that really makes me wonder is the new Denny’s promo for their late night offerings. A sign proclaims “Who says good things don’t happen after Midnight?” or something to that effect. When I was in high school and in college, I would have to say hardly anything good happens at Denny’s after midnight. Usually, there are drunken brawls, of which I have been in one or two (now we are talking a long time ago), swearing, people shoving their pie holes with loads of unhealthy entrées all because the cheap bar they had been drinking at the whole night didn’t offer anything more than potato chips, popcorn and beer nuts. Alas, Denny’s after midnight may not be a magnet for all-good-things-nocturnal but it is a twenty-something right of passage. I should I lost that fight by the way.

So here I am now. It is Sunday morning. The Scale laughed at me. However, on the whole I am down for the week. All in all, it will be a victory no matter what happens on Sunday, which is today. Considering how I fare last week, I am very happy about where I am now. I may alter my plan a little bit.

I may shoot for more variety in my food selections and take the longer term approach to The FFD. I want to get into a rhythm that is permanent, not one in which I go well for a few days, but then turn into a mean old grizzly bear. Towards those ends, I may adjust upward my Daily Game Day Object, at least calorie wise. The idea is that staying under a little high caloric level might erase the crabbiness and promote sustainable every day healthy living. I have to remember, Rome wasn’t built in a Day and this Body by Bud wasn’t either. It will take some dome to undo what my mouth has done. So, the fine tuning continues on The FFD.

In Preseason, fine tuning our lifestyle the whole point and one key advantage to this part of the season: we can adjust and make changes to get us to where we need to be. Next week, I would like my H1 Header posting to read “A Tale of kicking ass every day.” Now have some fun with your own dieting French revolution—or should I say, French Toast Revolution!

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