The Football Fan’s Diet

By Matt DeReno
On The FFD

PITTSBURGH – Yesterday was one of those rare days I decided to spend at least a half day at my shared office at Carnegie Mellon. I found it most fruitful , despite fruit being mostly high in carbohydrates. However, it was one of those bitter, howling, cold Pittsburgh days that make you think twice about living in the area—even being born here. The evening was equally as bad. But, in the back of my mind, I know the Steelers have an AFC Championship to look forward to this weekend. That thought, kept me warm as I walked. We Pittsburghers must harness inner warmth in the form of Super Bowl thoughts to stay grounded and warm in the wintering months.

The problem with my office is that the parking garage is about 500 miles across campus, and is least about a half Iditarod by dog sled. That isn’t that bad when the weather is nice, but on a 20-degree day, with high winds, the concrete towering yellow brick edifices called academic buildings only seem to serve as nothing more than erudite wind tunnels designed to chill me to the bone.
It also doesn’t help that multi-level parking garage is merely a series of decks and ramps which seem to cause their own wind vortices at the most inopportune times. Compounding this is parking the Jeep Liberty on the rooftop deck. I don’t think compasses work in this garage as it is located at the magnetic North Pole.

Below is a Google Street View Map of Forbe’s Avenue. It is this street in January that warrants the complete destruction of Pittsburgh!

Yes, Pittsburgh in January on a short night is enough to conjure up a good Jack London tale. But, I was in no mood for it. I had this fleeting vision of making it through all the way to June and celebrating my new healthy lifestyle as all the women gawked at my svelte body and stylish Bermuda shorts, while I stumble double-fisting pina-colades. Okay, this would be right before my better half whacks me upside the head!

But this evening the tropics were but an Al Gore pipe dream.

As I made the evening walk, I felt the tiredness and soreness in my legs. Yes, a few days on the stepper and other hamster accouterments at the Y were enough to turn my shivering legs to rubber on this night. To make it worse, with the cold nights came fresh doubts about whether any progress is being made at all!

It is on these nights I wonder what do I have at my disposal to really relax and do something that tallies up zero calories for a change. Well, if I can’t have the tropics perhaps I can golf. So I turned to Tiger Woods — okay, EA Sports and Tiger Woods.
Video games, though a time waster for sure, don’t put on any calories. Hell, even the Wii is known burn a few calories.

So last night I spent an hour or two building up a character that golfs as bad as I do in real life. Originally I had my character about the same build an weight as I am I the real life. Then, I figured, I better change that paradigm. I gave him a flat stomach and man he looks good. Were it so easy to make that cold winter Pittsburgh night disappear too, I would do it in a heartbeat.

So, if you are like me and have a tendency to relax by consuming a comforting warm meal, I suggest you go find a good EA Sports game. You will be surprised. After a few hours of wasting time, your pangs of hunger are replaced with frustration as you hit one into the drink — at least electronically. Fore!

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