The Football Fan’s Diet

By Matt DeReno
On The FFD

PITTSBURGH – I am better than my Inner Fat Slob, self-doubts be damned! Indeed, I am sitting here with the football of health and I am getting ready to hike it. My Inner Fat Slob stares at me from across the scrimmage line of health and is talking some major trash:

“You fat ass… You suck. You will lose all that you gained! Get ready to punt and get ready to get your ass handed to you fatso,” says my Inner Fat Slob.

Since the game whistle blew on Week 8, I got scored on twice. Moreover, I think yesterday was the first time I ever lost on a Tuesday. That being so, it seems I am capable of loosing on any given day just like on any given Sunday in the NFL, even the Browns are capable of pulling an upset. Although, I don’t think that would apply if the Browns were to play the Steelers anytime soon. But, I digress.

Today, I decided I will get back. I am actually losing the week now and have been shut out on Monday and Tuesday and being down at all during the regular season is a first. I have today and the rest of the week to right the ship and turn this awful beginning to Week 8 around. I am confident I can do so. Why? I am not sure.

Maybe I am starting to develop a little champion swagger? That is I have no doubt in my mind I am going to win this week. I am losing 20 – 0. Is that having some footballs or what?

I went the gym today for a bit to help in that regards. I got to get back to my routine and do what I know I can do. If I put the work in, I will beat my Inner Fat Slob. It has no chance.
I also have to remember I am only halfway there in both the season and my goals. Halfway is not there. So today I resolve to start a new winning streak.

I got the ball back now after being lazy and “letting” my Inner Fat Slob score on both Monday and Tuesday. Now, I want to ram the ball down the throat of my Inner Fat Slob during the rest of the week. I want to take a break from the beer too. Why give up the points? It will be there when I want it to be there.

I also want to go on a mid-season rampage. I need to start getting my ass into gear again. I can’t have a letdown. Oh, my Inner Fat Slob is waiting for the snap. My Inner Fat Slob is laughing at me. My Inner Fat Slob is licking its chops.

I only smile. Hut. Hut. Hut.

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