The Football Fan’s Diet

By Matt De Reno
On The FFD

PITTSBURGH – There is an old Sinatra tune “It started all over again…” Or, something like that. Maybe I am completely butchering the line, but you know what? It looks as if “it” started all over again. I was surprised this morning when I logged my weight and noticed that I was down a good bit this week. In fact, I a down more today in a week the likes of which I have not seen since about a month or two ago. Could this be the next and final big push? It needs to happen. It has to happen. It will happen.

I won’t pontificate like I did in my last posting, but then again, what is this whole damn site anyway if nothing but one big pontificating blog about football and beer. You know what. I have noticed as of late, I really don’t even talk about football that much. Maybe I shouldn’t because it is offseason in the real NFL. Though on the FFD, I wonder if there really is such a thing as the offseason. In fact, what should I do once this thing is over? That is going to seem a little weird. Hmm.

I don’t know if I will feel like logging in and updating my weight and stuff every day. After all, doing this stuff everyday is really no way to live. I am open to suggestions.

Perhaps I will edit all this material, which it probably needs badly. I don’t think I will “moth ball” the site, but I will probably update it less frequently. Perhaps I will work on developing a tool where you can log in and keep track of your scores and stuff? That would be cool. Or, maybe I will update photos by zapping them from my cell phone to this site as I am kicking back on a beach with an ice cold beer in one hand and the ladies (my wife and daughter) simply gawk at my washboard abs? I don’t know. Who knows. Nobody knows. The Big Cheese knows.

Now, would somebody please slap me?
It is no time to be filming a Super Bowl videos, coining a new season theme song or giving myself a self-proclaimed and vaunted nickname that will ring throughout the ages. It is no time to be planning what I will say to Barrack Obama on my inevitable trip to the White House. By the way, can you believe mean-as-a-hell (and NFL Defensive MVP) James Harrison is not going with the Steelers to meet the President, which is the honor of every Super Bowl team since time immemorial? To me it is no big deal whether it is because he is not interested or he doesn’t like to fly if he doesn’t have to. Either way, he can do what he wants. It is America after all. Still, sort of funny and cool in a counter kind of way. Yes, Steelers rock.

No before I go too far wondering off on some dumb tangent (too late for that), I should talk a little about what I think “is” really starting this all over again. It could be yard work.

Ugh. Yes, that stuff I really don’t like to do but which I am forced to do out of necessity. You see there is this snaking block retaining wall I am trying to build around the side of the old homestead. It’s tough work and I started this dumb project back in October and quit before the winter set in. Now, however, I look at stuff like yard work as “opportunities to exercise.” In fact, everything is a chance to exercise now. This changes the mundane chore list. Nonetheless, carrying big retaining wall blocks doesn’t get any easier and the blocks don’t magically get lighter simply because you labeled the chore something else.

I felt like what an ancient Egyptian probably felt like lumbering big blocks to the Great Pyramid of Giza. Can you imagine how many calories those Egyptians burned building those Pyramids (of course when the aliens weren’t helping them). Man, that was hard work.

Yard work is hard work. The FFD is hard work. Yard work is the FFD. Being healthy is the FFD.
Call it want you want— and The FFD is my way of calling it— but it doesn’t get any easier no matter what you call it. You can call it The FFD. You can call it Weight Watchers, The Fat Farm, The Tennis Ball Nutritional Approach—whatever—it doesn’t get any easier. Yard work is hard work.

On another little side note: I wonder how the ancient Egyptians were able to finance such massive undertakings such as those freaking pyramids? I mean, don’t they realize they were the victims of the world’s largest “pyramid scheme”—can I get a rim shot! Can I get a shot of anything, something?

Okay, I have mentioned Egyptians, Steelers linebacker James Harrison, Aliens, President Barrack Obama and Super Bowl videos. If it isn’t time to shut my key-boarding yapper now, I don’t know when that time will come but usually I know what it has long passed. Okay, it has long passed. Not really, I am just out of coffee. Unfortunately, there is no shortage of blocks to be carried. And so this Wednesday morning in May on the FFD gets underway.

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