The Football Fan’s Diet

By Matt DeReno
On The FFD

PITTSBURGH – Last week was another pathetic effort on my part. I lost and barely noticed. I suppose if there is any good to be taken out of what looks to be a debacle of a preseason it is that the FFD does not lie. If I don’t score well, it is clearly because I have decided to ignore health and exercise. And, The FFD is serving to remind me of what I need to do and how far off the beaten path I have stumbled. I didn’t just stumble off the beaten path. Rather I was bushwhacked along it.

You see when I look at all the poor pathetic scores and see how this is now—count’em—4 preseason losses in a row, it means I have essentially mailed it in. However, I will not start over.
It is the preseason. The only danger of becoming the Tennessee Titans, whom coming off the heels of a great 2008 campaign have just flat out sucked to date in 2009, is to string together this sort of sad effort at the beginning of the regular season, when it counts.
That being said, no good NFL team with Super Bowl aspirations would mail it in like my team has done in the past month on the FFD. Yes, there have been moments of success, but those moments are few and far between. How then can I get it back?
I can at least start by winning this last week of preseason. If I can do that, then I can head into the regular season on a winning note. Maybe then, my slow start will be a thing of the past. Maybe then I will figure out how to beat my Inner Fat Slob during what is arguably the time of the year when the Inner Fat Slob plays its best game: The Holidays.

Well, time to get mentally prepared. The regular season looms as large as my jelly belly! I plan to play Ebenezer Scrooge to the Ghost of Fat Asses Past! You can bet my Dickens on that promise. Time to get this thing going the right way.

Last 2 weeks of preseason box scores (I am not proud of this at all…)

By Matt DeReno
On The FFD

PITTSBURGH – I was reading James Walker’s AFC North Blog when I came across an interesting post about Cleveland QB Brady Quinn putting his home up for sale. Essentially, the blog raises the question about what it really means for Quinn’s future in Cleveland. After all, he put his house up for sale? He surely isn’t going to live in a van down the by the mistake.

In a similar note, if I put my “fat pants” up for sale, what does that mean for the future of my Inner Fat Slob? Let’s not kids ourselves here my football friend. If you are like me and your weight seems to fluctuate like the Down Jones (only this market keeps going up) you know you have certain that comforting wardrobe with enough ass room which could fit the front seven of Detroit in there.

What does it mean if you get rid of such spacious Levis? Is the future of your fat slob in doubt? Conversely, what if you put your skinny clothes up for sale? What does that say about your health? Have you given up hope you will ever don the high school pantaloons again. Did I just use the word pantaloons?

Hey, I am not putting anything up for sale, because after last week, I am not sure I have seen the last of my “continental britches.” Did I just use the word britches? I am at the crossroads here my friend.
Buried in the back of the closet are the pants that I bet Nicole Ritchie would have trouble fitting into much as it would be impossible for me to get into her pants (now, now).

Over to the next time zone, there are my Ringling Brothers Circus Tent Denims, which fold so thick, I once mistakenly thought it was several pairs of trousers stacked neatly like some wonderful layered cake. Did I just use the word trousers? But, I digress.

Now as for Brady Quinn’s future? The words “future” and “Cleveland” form an oxymoron. As for my inner fat slob? I am going to have to get Ringling Brothers on the horn and see if I can make some extra money.

Red the James Walker Blog Post…

Preseason Week 2 Box Score

Last week was close, but I lost in the end. Curiously, I had this Saturday in the middle of getting my butt kicked health wise. I am not sure why, but it is cause for hope. It was a close loss and I am thankful it is still preseason. You know because the records don’t really count until regular season.

By Matt DeReno
On The FFD

PITTSBURGH -I read an article somewhere this morning that New York Giants QB Eli Manning might not play this weekend because he is not sure how his ankle will feel. Man, I want to say the same thing. I want to say that I might not do the FFD this weekend because I am not sure how I am going to feel when I wake up Saturday from a Friday hangover. I want to say that, but I won’t.

You know what. Yesterday, I took it to my Fat Slob again. Yes, I capped off the day with a few Millers downstairs in the basement (that is where I pretty much work) but it was well earned. I hit the YMCA and logged some good enough numbers on the treadmill. Stopped for a cigar with my old man, but didn’t touch a drop then and there earlier in the afternoon. All in all, it was a workmanlike day on the FFD. Now the weekend is fast approaching.

It is not surprise that usually when my Fat Slob takes it to me, it starts on a Friday, sometimes even Thursday. It also is clear that my health is a clearly a game of momentum swings. If you look at my box scores, you will see I won six days in a row. Then my fat slob rang off five. Now that I have two days going, I need to show up for this weekend though I won’t make any guarantees. On that note, we’ll see how Manning and I fare.

By Matt DeReno
On The FFD

PITTSBURGH – I was reading a blog posting by ESPN.com’s Kevin Seifert about who is to blame in Green Bay’s recent loss to the Bret Favre-led Minnesota Vikings (as weird as that sounds). The Packers QB, Aaron Rodgers was sacked eight times in what has to be as painful a loss as they could possibly suffer; what with it coming at the hands of the old Green Bay legend himself, inestimable Bret Favre. Yes, the Minnesota Vicodins (a fitting name for a Bret Favre lead team—don’t you think?) looked as sharp as Wisconsin cheddar. But, as Seifert’s posting brings up, who is really to blame for all the sacks Rodgers endured?

Was it his inept offensive line? Or, was it the indecision-making of Rodgers? Did Rodgers hold onto the ball too long? Could he not make the proper read progressions? Was the play calling simply wrong for the defense? There can be a lot of culprits when it comes to stuff like this. Being a Pittsburgh Steelers fan, I am all too familiar with the debate.

Before Steelers running back Rashard Mendenhall busted loose against San Diego Sunday for two touchdowns and about a buck and half in yardage Sunday, there was ample debate about why the running game seemed to undergo an economic collapse. Is the reason the running game pretty much sucked because the running backs were generally being talentless, brainless, or lackadaisical? Or, was it a combination of all the above? Or, was it the stupidity of those front beasts of burden who simply couldn’t knock a hole open?

And so it goes when you fall off the health wagon, you have a personal blame game to play. Was it my stupidity, my lack of willpower, or was it my lack of desire? Maybe it was my inability to grasp the big picture? Maybe it was an increase in solar flare activity and had nothing to do with me? Or, did I have the wrong scheme called last week? Why did I blow it? Any of these reasons could be the one reason or it could be a little bit of them all. That, in a nutshell, is why losing weight and becoming healthy is always a difficult blame game.

There are a lot of factors that go into making one a fat beer guzzling slob. Likewise, it makes it difficult to identify the “one factor”—that one thing if changed could make you put it all together. And the hope is that there is such a factor and I am simply waiting to discover it.

Much like Green Bay may come to realize if they get a good backside guard, the passing game will take off (hypothetical). Much like the Steelers will realize that Willie Parker is out of gas and that if Mendenhall gets the nod here on out, the running game will be back where it should be (theory with some proof based on the San Diego victory).

Perhaps then if I figure out how to change one damn thing about my lifestyle, which has frustratingly eluded me for years, then you are looking at a Football Fan’s Diet Super Bowl Dynasty in the making. However, it could be Rodgers doesn’t have any talent. Maybe I simply don’t have it in me to be really healthy. If that is the case, I have to simply work at getting better and hopefully I can play some decent football by the end of the year. Then again, it could be one thing I need to change. That is the hope and just maybe it started yesterday. That is what I will hang my hat on. I am sure they are doing the same thing in Green Bay.

Read the blog posting by ESPN.com’s Kevin Seifert…

By Matt DeReno
On The FFD

PITTSBURGH – Yesterday was a day where my Inner Fat Slob continued to drive the ball down my throat (literally and figuratively). You see, we had all this Pizza left over from the weekend and my Inner Fat Slob made it clear it was not about to last very long. Worse, there was new pizza at my monthly meeting at Carnegie Mellon University. Amidst all the algorithm talk, it was raining Pizza.

Somehow, I found a way to sneak in a walk in around the Oakland area of Pizza, I mean, Pittsburgh. My goal was to walk off some of this Pizza. So, by walking, that was like getting the ball back from my beastly Inner Fat Slob and at least driving the ball a little on this dastardly opponent. Ultimately, I was outscored once again.

Nonetheless, there is reason to suspect the momentum is about to swing again and in my favor. I am off a great start today, having hit the gym instead of the Pizza shop.

The best thing about Preseason is just that: it is before the season for all you geniuses out there and therefore it doesn’t count. Nonetheless, good teams play good ball all the time. If I have an abysmal preseason, can I reasonably expect to actually accomplish anything at all in the regular season let alone make it to the post-season? I doubt it. So I need to look at the last five days as a wake-up call. I won’t say I need to wake-up and smell the coffee. Hell, I don’t want to say I need to smell anything. I get too hungry.

This is going to be a long season. Stick with me. We’ll get her done. Yes, I had my first acknowledged test in the “events” I had to deal with beginning Thursday and ending yesterday and I failed miserably. I have a lot of work to do.

By Matt DeReno
On The FFD

PITTSBURGH – The Steelers were able to finally finish a game, but man, they almost lost in the end. One minute they looked like world beaters and the next, they looked like the Cleveland Browns. They better learn to play football in the fourth quarter or it is going to be a painful season. I can relate.

After my first Preseason Week on the FFD, I couldn’t finish in the end. I was going strong for 6 days and then it all collapsed. The culprit was the various string of events that killed me. I drank far too much beer and ate far too much grub. We had football all weekend and even an early fall Halloween party. It was a lot of fun, but it cost me in the end. So, I lost. Oh well, I better learn how to figure this out or it is going to be a very painful season, much like the Steelers.

I won’t dwell on my shortcomings, I’ll just work on getting better. And so the first week on The FFD was a loss.