The Football Fan’s Diet

By Matt De Reno
On The FFD

PITTSBURGH – The numbers have lied, but not anymore. I have one more day left on the Preseason part of Season IV of the Football Fan’s Diet. I went back and scored the preseason based on my new formula for doling out touchdowns and field goals (Again, if you have not been following (and judging from the hits, you have not), this is the diet for real men that love football; not the football where you kick a ball, but rather the football where you ram it down the other teams throat and kick up a cloud of dust in the process). It is not pretty.

On the old scoring system, where if I stayed under a certain caloric level I earned a touchdown, I would have had a chance to go 3-2 in the past 5 weeks of preseason. However, the scale showed I gained weight over this period of time. So how in the world if I put in one more good day, could I take a win?

I switched the the weight average system (for lack of a better name). This is I will receive a touchdown each day I beat the average from the week before. I will add a field goal if I exercise above and beyond my normal work day. I will give up touchdown if I don’t beat that average from the week before and I will give up a field goal if I drink beer on any day. This scoring system is much more brutal.

Let us consider the past 5 weeks. Under the weight average system, I lost all 5 weeks. In fact, I got clobbered in week one, 49-0; In week two, it was closer, but no cigar, 14-21; Week three, no dice, 14-28; Week four, 21-28; and finally, week five is just about a loss in the book (though there is one more day), 0-28. Ouch.

Now before I bemoan this new system as too draconian, there are some things about it I really like. For instance, I think it can be more forgiving than the previous scoring system, that is once I get on a winning streak. You see, if there is a big event, say like a picnic or something. So long as I beat the average from the week before, I still might have a “breather day”; have a few dogs and burgers, and still get a score the next day becuase I am down compared to last week. I like that becuase despite having won so much in Season III, I felt it was unforgiving on special events – I felt tortured after a week of hard work. So, if I put in a really good week and the scale goes down, then one somewhat lax day will be merely a blip on the map. Not something that unravels all the work done for the week. Keep in mind, that surely is no license to pig out either. Because, it doesn’t take much to show a big gain the next day.

In any case, the moral of the story is that the Season IV Preseason was absolutley atrocious. I am going to hear it from “Coach” this week. He is going to be rightly pissed off. Who in the hell losses every preseason game? Can I seriously turn it around in the back half of 2010 – heading into what is usually the seasonal weight gain time of the year for me – with the back loaded holiday season approaching, to say nothing of the fact that all the birthdays in our family are mostly from now to the end of the year? It seems impossible that I would win a Super Bowl as I head into the regular season now.

It seems ludicrous to set my goals so high -to be healthy come January 2011; To not suffer a winter like I have in years past; To have the energy and the values of health that are buried in this fat body, which have refused to die, to give up, to quit! Ah, I never quit. I am still going. I know it does not amount to much, but as the regular season begins, I can build on that fact: I have not quit.

I will find a way. I am committed to doing that. There is no good reason I should turn it around now, but I am committed to trying. You see, my weight is my cross to carry and literally it weights almost hundred pounds. Yup, I tipped the scales at 2XX today (I will insert those numbers when my pride can take it.) I need to get down to 1XX. This will be nothing short of a miracle.

I have the new job I wanted. I need the lifestyle to match it. I need the energy and the health to be successful at what I am doing now. To not change, is literally to die an early death from some sort of health related issue derived from carrying the extra weight. I have to figure this thing out and I will. The Regular Season on Football Fan’s Diet Season IV starts Monday, but it started mentally this morning. I hope that makes the Coach happy, but I am sure in for a tongue lashing because the Preseason sucked.

By Matt DeReno
On The FFD

PITTSBURGH – Whatever that was turned on last year for me to lose weight is off. I took another step backward yesterday and well, that seems to be par for the course. I am getting really frustrated and maybe that is a good thing. Maybe I need to add some pent up frustration to the fuel mix of my motivation. There must be a way. I mean it seems as if I simply can’t loose a pound. My body does not want me to do so.

However, I think I still have hope. I think being the operative word. I simply can’t let this slide for the worst continue.

It is Friday and I have a lot of writing to do. I have a lot of day to be done. I have to write more business listings and then I have to get out and about and take some more photographs and meet with some more people. It is great, but it is hard to do when one is overweight.

What I am doing now is a job for a skinny guy. For the past years, I had a job for a fat guy. I was a technical writer sitting at home writing about software. Now, I am out there in the world, wandering around like a chicken with its head cut off, only I have a digital camera and Steno pad to help with the bok, bok, boking.

Here is to Friday and here is to hope. I do remember one thing that is not happening that did happen before and that was this willpower. I remember fighting the cravings and I remember getting evening exercise. I have to remember that and bring it back. It has to start today. It must. It will.

By Matt DeReno
On The FFD

PITTSBURGH – Yesterday was a good day (not to channel my inner Ice Cube). Well, maybe I should channel my inner Ice Cube, “No smog, no barking from the dog and mommy cooked something with no hog.” I know I butchered that line, but is that really a lyric about eating healthy?

Back to the point. Yesterday was a good day. I exercised. My appetite was under control. Had no beer. It was good. Why? I should start with what I did differently.

I stopped at GNC and buy a bottle of 5-HTP. What is 5-HTP? To be more precise it is 5-Hydroxytryptophan, a naturally occurring amino acid that sort of aids the production of serotonin and melatonin.

Now for the less medical description: it can help you stop eating like a pig if you are prone to eating like a pig. You see, I am prone to eating like a pig. Not all the time, but every so often enough that it can undo all my health efforts built up over days at a time. So, I am giving it a shot. Are there any side effects? I am sure there are, but don’t ask me about them – ask your doctor. I am just a football fan.

I will say this. If there are side effects, well, I might have to way those risks with the risks that are staring me in the face from being an overweight slob. Heart attack? Stroke? Bail out early on the world? Well, that is all there for the taking if I don’t loose this weight now. So, I’ll take my chances.

Another reason I am interested in 5-HTP is that it also promotes good sleep patterns, a positive mood and satiety. I am firmly convinced that overeating in general is as much as a psycho issues as it is a physical one. When you know what to do, but you can’t do it, then it is your brain, baby, that got some confused thing going on about health. It could be it needs to get it snack on with some herbal supplements like 5-HTP. But anyways, well see how that goes. I have to try something different becuase what I am trying now is simply not getting it done.

Hopefully this critical self-analysis will appease my Inner Football Coach. He has been none to pleased with my progress in the preseason. Lastly, if you have any experience using 5-HTP as a natural supplement to controlling your appetite, then I would love to hear from you. Hey, you can even post a comment right here on this site.

The Big L

By Matt DeReno
On the FFD

PITTSBURGH – I am in a Borders now having coffee, typing away at my damn Football Fan’s Diet blog. Man, my shorts feel tight. I feel heavy. I feel very unhealthy after this weekend. I need to turn the thing around fast. That thing is my health. When I don’t think it can get worse, it clearly does. How do I do it? What am I missing? I have done it once before and several times actually, but the reason why has proven to be elusive. I will say my Football Fan’s Diet is a good measuring stick of progress, but like any diet, it can’t do the work for you.

I mean I am beginning to doubt if it is possible for me to loose weight. Perhaps the laws of physics not longer apply, or the laws of chemistry, or the laws of donuts, who knows. There must be some way for me to loose weight. There must be some way for me to end the endless thinking about it and a way to actually do it. There must.

Alas, it is Monday. I am at a Borders in North Pittsburgh wondering if this should be my new headquarters for writing out of the house. I do like it. It is much more quiet than Panera Bread. yes, there are all sorts of tempting treats and the coffee is an arm and a leg, but all in all, not a bad place to work. After all, I can use the place as sort of a library.

So as the new job goes, I love it. I am literally doing what I love to do now and that makes a big difference. I am hoping that this new found love for my what I am doing, will help pull my health up along with it. Is that asking too much? I am not sure?

So naturally I am not off to a good start to this season, but I am going to finish this one come hell or low-calorie purified high water.

By Matt DeReno
On The FFD

PITTSBURGH – And so it continues, the “Weight Less” scoring system is quite interesting. I do know that today, even though the scale showed a slight gain, I was still under my last week’s average and hence, scored a TD. That is a good feeling. And, darn if I just don’t feel a bit lighter today. Darn if the shorts don’t feel a tad looser. Now it must continue.

I have to be “out and about” again. That means being active—very active. In the past few days, I have not even really had the time to think about food. That has to be a good thing. And it just seems that the next meal is here before I even blink an eye. That has to be a good thing too. Still, there is a lot of work to be done today. Better get started now then just sit around and blog about it all day.

By Matt De Reno
On The FFD

PITTSBURGH – I won the day on the FFD yesterday and enjoyed myself. My exercise included walking a full circle around Ross Park Mall in Pittsburgh. It had to be close to 90 Degrees. I am not sure how many calories I burned, but today, the scale “weighed less.” There was a lot of excitement relating to this walk. You see, I was booted from the Ross Park Mall parking lot.

My crime? I was snapping photos of Ross Park Mall on the outside You see I walked around the darn thing taking pictures for a photo gallery I wanted to put together to promote the North Hills community, of which Ross Park Mall is a major part.

Just about when I was complete, I was told by security that I was not allowed to take any pictures of Ross Park Mall. Ross Park Mall, owned by Simon Properties, is, well, private property. Oh, jeez. I mean this is the outside of the freaking mall? Are malls like those old Indians that believed a picture can steal a piece of your soul? Will Ross Park Mall loose a piece of its retail soul from me taking photos of the parking lot at sunset? What is the big deal? Hmm.

Ross Park Mall does have good reasons for not wanting me to take its picture. People generally don’t like to be in pictures and that means snapping photos could potentially make their customers uncomfortable. A person canvassing the mall taking pictures could be a terrorist right? Or, a photographer on the premise is simply annoying becuase, well, people are there to shop. Who knows why they, the customers, are there anyway: maybe they should be at work? Maybe they are there with someone they shouldn’t be at the mall with? Perhaps most importantly, retailers at these big malls pay millions to tightly maintain their image through sleek marketing campaigns and carefully maintained trademarks and images. Why have some amateur Joe in the parking lot making them look bad with ill-framed, out of focus shots? Or, worse yet, showing some very negative aspect of their product? After all, I only meant to present Ross Park Mall in a positive light, but maybe someone else would not.

Nevertheless, this is America. It seems a bit ridiculous that you could not snap a photo of something so freaking large as a mall with 300 hundred stores in it? And, it seems a welcome gray area that people do have the freedom to express what it is that they see with their very own eyes? I know the mall is private property, but they don’t own my eyes. My camera is merely a time slice of what my eye actually sees and is therefore a recording of my thoughts, perspective, feelings, mood at that particular moment and all that all belongs to me – my mind. Maybe what really is at stake is my “intentions.” Maybe I won’t to profit off these photos? Maybe they are for a scrape book. They can’t control that at all, so it easier to say, “Our property, our rules.”

I did some searches on the Internet and discovered all sorts of opinions about photography and malls. Most dealt with taking photos inside a mall. In the day of the camera phone, what can a mall do but simply tell you not to take pictures? Well, here is what they told me: First, I was told not to take them; then, as I suspected, they were spying on me to see if, as I completed my walk around the mall, I would take more photos. Well, some shots were too good to pass up. So I did squeeze a few more in there of Ross Park Mall. As I was getting into my car, a Ross Park Mall security SUV pulled up in front of me and I thought I was going to be met with a friendly, doughy-faced Paul Blart type of mall cop. Nope. Instead, there was clearly a look of annoyance on this individual’s face (who was just doing his job after all). He had a partner this time.

So he told me that he saw me take the pictures and that now I had to delete any pictures of Ross Park Mall from my camera. Can he really make me do that? I mean the images are on my camera and my camera is my camera. But, he never saw my camera. I had put my camera under the seat of my car. Instead, I showed him my camera phone and said look – I deleted them. He seemed very skeptical. He said, “No, you had a digital camera.” I looked at him innocently. I flipped my phone around and showed him how it would look like a digital camera from afar. I said this is my only camera. Okay, I was not terribly honest with him but I was equally as suspicious as to the rights he had to my camera. So now I got the mall cop escort out of Ross Park Mall and I was on my way.

Nevertheless, it was a winning day on the FFD. Lost in this dust-up is that I am now being more active with my work. I am out and walking and I really am starting to enjoy it. Maybe the key all along was for me to do things that are not merely tethered to the computer all day? Maybe I need to make exercise and make activity part of my work more often? I agree with that. I am not sure I agree with Ross Park Mall. I have to ask myself now – do my calories belong to Ross Park Mall too?

Creative Idea for Malls: I am a big fan of “rolling with tech.” Nowadays everybody has a some kind of device that can take an image. Malls should be designed with this in mind. A designer should make it a goal that no matter who takes a picture of their mall, it will look good. Perhaps impossible but nonetheless something to consider as a paradigm. Also, malls should clearly post their photo policy. They might also want to set up designated areas for families to snap pictures of kids and friends, etc.

By Matt De Reno
On The FFD

PITTSBURGH – Yesterday was a winning day on the FFD, but today I didn’t get the points I would have got on the old scoring system. See, I have to beat my average from last week to get a touchdown. If I am within a pound, it is a wash – no points are awarded either way. Today, it was a wash, at least on the scale.

This scoring system changes the dynamic of the diet a little bit. It doesn’t reward daily fluctuations. It sets as your benchmark, your previous weeks average weight. So, on a day, I eat like a pig and the scale says “Holy Cow, you gained 10-pounds” the next morning, then I will not be rewarded for showing a 2-pound loss the next, unless of course, I am once again under that weight average from the week before. I am probably making this sound more complicated than it should.

Nevertheless, my weight did improve today, though I got no points to show it. Until I beat that last week’s average, I have to take what I can get. The interesting thing is that this scoring system makes it possible to loose a pound or two, yet still give up touchdowns. How is that?

Well, just think. If you gained 10 pounds a week ago. Should you really be rewarded at all for losing 3 pounds this week. After a week however, I think it is fair to reset the benchmark and go with the previous week’s average.

Still, no matter what scoring system I used, I am still fat.

By Matt DeReno
On The FFD

PITTSBURGH – The Fourth of July weekend was great, but I lost the week and the scale shows it. We literally seemed to have something to do every few hours: friends, swimming, visits, movies, birthday parties. In fact, my brother turned 40 and his birthday party was quite fun. The food was plentiful and so was the beer. Along with that came a lot of calories for sure. Still there is hope. I fell this could be the week. I really do.

This new system of scoring the FFD is pretty interesting. I think it is will tend to favor winning streaks but seems to accurately capture if one is being healthy or not.

In case you missed that posting, here is how the new scoring will work: Everyday I beat my average weight from the week before, I get a touchdown. I add a field goal when I exercise. If I don’t beat my weight, I give up a touchdown and if I drink beer, that is a field goal too. Last week—by such measuring—I lost the week. However, it is Monday and a new week beckons. Health beckons.

It should also be noted that last July Fourth was the time when things started spiraling for the worse. That is I started this dreadful march to put on the weight I have now. Now, I need to get it going the other way. Easier said then done, but I must.

By Matt De Reno
On The FFD

PITTSBURGH – I am not sure how novel my “Weigh Less” approach to the Football Fan’s Diet is, but it sure worked yesterday. And the proof is in the, ah, pounds: I weigh several pounds less today. Thank you “Weigh Less” Diet – that crazy diet that proposes you weigh less each day and eventually you will weigh just right. Of course it should be noted that what I am really doing is the Football Fan’s Diet. Stupidity is the engine of my creation.

For those of you clicking this blog for the first time: The Football Fan’s Diet is the one diet that God has given to men who love football and drink beer, or at least like to have a frothy brew on occasion. You keep track of progress by awarding touchdowns and field goals for good healthy eating and giving up the same for generally behaving like a pig. What follows is how my day went on the Football Fan’s Diet and a bit of the odd inspiration that seems to result from such silly devotion to a plan that has failed to conjure up the rebel weight (Okay, that was really weird).

I was cavorting all over the North Hills area of Pittsburgh yesterday. Walking, talking, glad-handing folks – it is the sort of work I enjoy. Most importantly, I was out of the house and very active. The job change really has that built into it.

The family came with me to the mall. While I was out canvassing businesses, which came to no fruition because I was not allowed to take any photos inside the mall, my family went shopping. They claimed to want to window shop, but when do you ever go to the mall with kids and not spend anything?

We got taken for the most at Build-A-Bear.

Build-A-Bear. What a clever concept. A kid picks up a skin of a teddy bear. They pump it full of stuffing. You can get to stick a little fake heart inside it, fill out a birth certificate, and then pick out a bunch of accessories for your bear. At this point, dad must break out the wallet. Can you imagine the money to be had for a “Build-A-Beer” concept? That is right: build a beer! Maybe I should scrap the Football Fan’s Diet and work on that sudsy idea.

At “Build-A-Beer” you get to sit at a table with a bunch of other football loving slobs and pick ingredients for your own batch of microbrew. You can ever give it a name. Pick out the bottles or jug. Decide if you want it to be a dark beer or light. Give your beer a favorite football team. Come up with a logo for your beer. Maybe even create a commercial for it. Then you pound it and your beer and money are gone.

Dare I dream. Instead, I will focus on one thing today and that is to simply “weigh less” tomorrow than I do as I write this. That sounds easy enough. Nevertheless, it is Friday, the Fourth of July weekend beckons and there is much to do, many hands to shake, many glasses to fill, places to go and lastly, there will be fireworks. The best thing about Fireworks – no calories! Now, does anybody have the number to the patent office. I have to look into this Build-A-Beer idea.

By Matt De Reno
On The FFD

PITTSBURGH – Today I would like to focus on a technique I am experimenting with: visualizing that my unhealthy habits are now good ones. Will that work? Can that help me change my unhealthy eating habits? Can I use that on this “Weigh Less” diet.

I didn’t eat like a pig yesterday, but darn near came close to dipping my snout in the caloric trough. I was healthy all day, that is I was within my goal of eating several small healthy meals – something I am calling the “Weigh Less Diet.” Nevertheless, when the moon came up, I had some unneeded chips and salsa. Oh, we had KFC yesterday for dinner… Ouch! Somehow, today, I registered at the same weight I was the day before – that was a victory for the “Weigh Less” Diet.

On the new Weigh Less Diet I am going on the obnoxiously newfangled notion that to loose weight each day you should “weigh less” each day. Can I invent some diet pills? Can I write a book? Can I create a spreadsheet and sell it to you? Maybe I need to come up with some Acacia Berry formula that can help you “weigh less” by blowing out your bowels on the hour? Perhaps I can convince you to change your unhealthy habits by learning to not only say “no” to unhealthy foods but by taking a giant dump in your refrigerator? That is right – visualize that for a second. While you are at – take a dump in your hand and toss that in your bowl of Wheaties (Okay, please, don’t do any of this for real, just visualize that you did). How do you like those Wheaties now?

Can visualization change your unhealthy eating habits?

Ah, we have all heard the expression, “Who pinched a loaf (or insert your teenage defecation term here) in your Wheaties?” – a self-evident colloquialism describing a person in a particularly foul mood. Sure, but maybe there is some brilliant wisdom in that phrase?

Maybe you should actually take a giant number two on your dinner plate of food. In fact, using the power of visualization, perhaps thinking of a giant number two next to your hamburger, might be the repulsive key to get you to reach for that apple. While you’re at it, take a pee in your Pepsi!

It could be that I’ve gone diet crazy now. I will just about try anything to get healthy for real. I do know that eventually I am going to get tired of mediocre results and I will want to kick this thing into high gear. I am waiting for that happen.

Will it happen today? Maybe I can achieve success by using the power of visualization. From sweet to stink, the smell of success could be altered forever by visualization.